Little Fox Strikes Back on Tar Sands

16 07 2014

One Little Fox Fights Back — Keeps Sneaking into Tar Sands Plant and Pooping in Lunch Room

Fox

FORT McMURRAY, AB — Canadian scientist and environmentalist Dr. David Suzuki says he likes the fox’s style.

Shell Canada says the Canadian Swift Fox that has “crapped all over the place” in one of their tar sands workers’ lunch rooms 9 times is “a little shit.”

“Look. I like wild animals as much as the next guy but this one fox seems to be on an eco-terrorism mission or something,” Buck Carter, Production Manager at Shell’s sprawling Albion surface mining operation, told CBC early today.

“He’s putting the guys off their food.”

The Swift Fox has somehow been getting into the cafeteria-style lunch room every night and having “unpleasant-smelling” bowel movements on countertops, tables and in the metal serving trays used for hot meals.

He or she has not eaten any of the “baited food” left out and has done no other damage beyond leaving small piles of feces behind, quickly turning him or her into a local and social media hero or heroine.

OilsandsTrucks

Five Pound Fox Leaving Smelly Messages for Shell?” asked a headline in today’s Fort McMurray Today newspaper.

“Hahahahaha,” said a local environmentalist protester picketing outside a Shell gas station near downtown Fort McMurray. (Name withheld by request.)

“#GoLittleFoxGo!” has become a hot hashtag twittered more than 15,000 times in the last 48 hours.

“We don’t know how the little bugger is getting in,” said an obviously exasperated Carter.

“We’ve put chicken wire over every possible hole he could use but that damn thing got in again last night.”

“And this ain’t pretty poop we’re talking about here.”

Alberta Wildlife said today that it will take no action as the Swift Fox is not considered a dangerous animal and “has broken no laws.”

Dan LeHomme
Reportering for The Lapine

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2 responses

20 07 2014
Jim

Glad we got the Tar Sands I hate walking

23 07 2014
Nathan FreeSoul Finn

Oh man, me too! I also hate breathing and drinking water! WOO TAR SANDS!

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